Equal pay, maternity leave, the right to own property...these are all good things that resulted from the feminist movement. I get that. But somehow, what was meant for good, has spiraled out of control and created a new breed of woman. A woman that is less of a woman if she stays home with her children. A woman that thinks she needs to not only wear the pants but is armed and ready with "honey, know your place or I'm outta here". A woman that can't go a week without seeing her girlfriends and emotionally "venting" about all her man's faults.
Somehow bra-burning turned into man-hating. Turn on the TV, read a novel, check your email -- you can't go very far without getting your fill of man-bashing. Think of sitcom characters like Doug and Carrie from The King of Queens. He's a big doofus and she's a super-hot fiery woman that makes it clear he's lucky to have her. Or reflect on the zillion and one email forwards you receive with jokes about inferior, lackluster, and downright dumb men. Our men.
Have we women just created our own self-fulfilling prophecy? In ridiculing men, both publicly and privately, have we lost sight of their goodness? Some of us devote so much time and energy into complaining about them that we allow little or no time at all for appreciation. I know I spent enough time in this category and it doesn't end well, believe me.
As this Father's Day approaches, do you believe that your husband truly believes he is a great dad? Even a good dad? Because I'd venture to say that if you could really read their minds, you'd hear inner thoughts that would shock you. Thoughts of not being good enough, smart enough, tough enough, kind enough, rich enough...the list goes on and on.
Perhaps their not as impenetrable as we like to think. Shaunti Feldhahn, in her survey and studies on the male psyche for her book For Women Only, calls it the "Imposter Complex".
"The majority of men do want to be good husbands. But in the same way they worry that they may not know everything about being a good employee, they secretly worry that they don't know how to succeed at being a good husband, father, provider, or handyman. Not surprisingly, men said they judge themselves--and feel that others judge them--based on the happiness and respect of their wives."
If this is true, then we as women have incredible power at our fingertips. By our honest affirmation, we calm their inner fears, encouraging our men to tackle anything. By our disdain, we only affirm the inability they feel, whether it's true or not, and create apathetic men afraid to do anything for fear of being wrong....again.
"Home is the most important place for a man to be affirmed. If a man knows that his wife believes in him, he is empowered to do better in every area of his life. A man tends to think of life as a competition and a battle, and he can energetically go duke it out if he can come home to someone who supports him unconditionally, who will wipe his brow and tell him he can do it."
With all this stirring in my heart, imagine my reaction as I passed by the Hallmark store yesterday. On their most prominent end-aisle display sat Father's Day gifts and wrapping supplies, including a gift bag that said in giant lettering: "Mr. (kind of) Fix-It" and a paper weight with the bolded statement "If I only had a brain".
Please tell me which husband or father has either of these gifts on their wish list! Whether the statements ring true or not, I don't know of a single man who wants to be reminded of inadequacy by the people he wants to impress the most...his wife and children.
"Hey Mick, I see you got a gift for Father's Day!" says co-worker as he snickers to himself while reading the "Mr. (kind of) Fix-It" gift bag. "What's this inside? Oh nice, a paperweight for your desk! Hmmm...that's an...uh...interesting paperweight..."
Wow, Mick feels like a real winner right now. All because a wife, in her bra-burning turned man-bashing glory, felt the need to get a personal jab in on a day that was meant to be all about him.
So today, and especially this Father's Day, spend some time thinking about how great your man is and then go tell him about it. He's all ears.
And let's leave the hurtful gift bag and paperweight to collect dust on the Hallmark shelves this Father's Day.
Comments (1)
Wow. I married me one of these...and had to get rid of her. Great article, Natasha - well done. John Gray (of Men Are From Mars fame) writes a lot about this complex - check some of his books out.
Maybe you should start freelancing?
Love
LP